Editorial – Knobble Hill News

Octogenarian Bachelor Blamed for Herpes Epidemic

Nicholas Richard Ronald Hiltermann — Wed, 10 May 2017 14:47:39 +0000

Oaktree Lodge Retirement Village is situated 5 km West of Knobble Hill town square, on the old Copeland farm. It was here, in these quiet streets, flanked with immaculate gardens guarded by ceramic gnomes, that Atwood found a market for his services.

Most of the women had lived long happy, monogamous, STD-free marriages before their husbands passed away. Enter Harold Atwood, a semi-retired electrician and general handyman.

Women have a longer life expectancy than men that often leaves an uneven ratio of males to females among senior citizen. With five woman to every man, Golden Oaks Retirement Village, is no exception.

“Men generally do home maintenance like change the light-bulbs and tighten the taps. I know that sounds sexist in this day and age but we’re from different era. There are a lot of widows in the village that need my help around the house,” Atwood told KHN from his one-bedroom home.

Atwood is a very popular person among the villagers, he plays a vital role in the community where most rely on a small pension. “Just to call an electrician or plumber to come out costs 50 quid before he’s even done anything,” complained Berryl Johnson, a local resident. “Harry never charges a call-out fee and if it’s a small job he won’t even take a penny. Lovely man.” Johnson said.

to maintain there properties, I certainly don’t have sex with all of them, only those who are willing and able

“I started to become friendly with some of the women. We would have a cup of tea and chat about our previous partners. Then one of the ladies gave me Viagra and suggested I take it before my next visit,” claimed Atwood.

“I realized that many of the women had needs that hadn’t been satisfied in years. I was completely honest with all of them about having intercourse with multiple partners and they were all very understanding. With so few men kicking about, most of the the ladies were very grateful for the service I was providing.”

“I was a married virgin, and faithful to my wife for 41 years. When she passed away she said she wanted me to keep on living.”

The village physician, Dr Maddie Stewart began diagnosing a string of new Herpes cases among the women. On questioning it became obvious to her that Atwood was the common connection.

When asked about his own health Atwood responded: “I do have Herpes and Dr Brown has advised me to abstain. But I also have a pacemaker, high blood pressure and mild arthritis. I don’t know how long I’m going to be on this planet and I plan on living it. The women all know now what the deal is and most of them have it now. So the ones that want to carry on, I’m happy to oblige.”

The post Octogenarian Bachelor Blamed for Herpes Epidemic appeared first on Knobble Hill News.

In odio sapien, at uta, accumsan ut dolor vel

Nicholas Richard Ronald Hiltermann — Wed, 10 May 2017 14:45:59 +0000

Semper leo. Fusce lectus justo, porta quis felis at, imperdiet elementum libero. Duis nec dignissim lectus.Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Suspendisse scelerisque venenatis purus eget maximus. Fusce dapibus leo sed sem fringilla, nec convallis arcu egestas. Nullam ut

Nulla facilisi. Etiam euismod tristique ipsum, vitae fringilla orci tempor at. Cras dignissim laoreet ligula. Interdum et malesuada fames ac ante ipsum primis in faucibus. Donec vitae aliquet dui, sit amet cursus ante. Nulla facilisi. Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Ut sodales porta lacus, eu facilisis justo. Curabitur sed leo dui.

Nam nisl ex, pellentesque eget lorem eget, dignissim lobortis nisi. Curabitur elit elit, condimentum non lacus sed, elementum pellentesque mi. Fusce eget accumsan elit. Integer euismod libero a tellus tincidunt venenatis. Vivamus sit amet neque id mauris lacinia consequat vel ac orci. Suspendisse posuere velit eu pellentesque vestibulum. Vestibulum sit amet nibh ut nisl luctus facilisis. Vestibulum et posuere massa, ut luctus enim. In id ex dui. Mauris elementum mauris ut mauris luctus gravida. Morbi fermentum mauris sollicitudin scelerisque euismod. Nulla tincidunt suscipit accumsan.

Cras eleifend magna et consequat ultrices. Phasellus sodales placerat ullamcorper. Vivamus sed scelerisque augue, a ultricies erat. Aenean felis nibh, aliquam non turpis et, tincidunt commodo tellus. Quisque tellus nisi, congue vitae mi a, ullamcorper luctus nunc. Nulla vel urna tellus. Aliquam non elementum enim. Maecenas volutpat ex ut nibh rhoncus, quis finibus orci venenatis.

“Etiam nec libero volutpat nisi pellentesque iaculis lobortis ac dui. Duis porta justo metus, eleifend vulputate ipsum volutpat vel.”

Nullam felis leo, tincidunt et facilisis a, gravida non est. In hac habitasse platea dictumst. Suspendisse id laoreet nulla. Nullam sodales convallis pellentesque. Donec sed ipsum eget urna ultrices accumsan nec id dui. Vestibulum egestas, ex eu venenatis feugiat, risus neque congue odio, a suscipit lorem nisl non nunc. Maecenas quis metus et lectus luctus hendrerit. Nunc maximus, enim sed condimentum varius, eros nulla ultricies arcu, non lobortis orci lacus at neque. Nunc pellentesque tincidunt quam, nec gravida neque lacinia vitae. Ut finibus mi eu ante egestas, ut luctus nisl condimentum. Aenean consequat finibus sapien id porttitor.

Integer eu nulla ut purus blandit dapibus ac in quam. Nulla maximus ornare justo, vel luctus metus feugiat sit amet. Pellentesque elit dui, fringilla et sem non, malesuada blandit dui. Quisque sodales mollis elementum.

1. Nam sodales enim nec purus efficitur sodales.
2. Suspendisse rhoncus viverra scelerisque.
3. Nam id interdum nisl, non tempor elit.
4. Suspendisse eget maximus elit. Morbi ut vulputate nisi…

Interdum et malesuada fames ac ante ipsum primis in faucibus. Duis elementum nisl mi, facilisis dignissim ante cursus vitae. Donec tempus elit at ex tempus, in maximus augue rutrum. Cras vitae vehicula elit, posuere lacinia felis. Phasellus ligula nibh, mattis ac lobortis vel, vehicula dignissim tellus. Fusce orci purus, congue ac diam vel, tempor vestibulum nibh. Cras dictum elit a aliquam dictum.

Mauris condimentum vehicula erat, vitae dignissim turpis mattis non. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Donec porttitor, diam vel bibendum maximus, leo justo ornare lacus, nec tempus velit tortor sit amet risus. Pellentesque erat risus, dictum eu magna in, porttitor aliquam augue. Cras suscipit, turpis sit amet gravida iaculis, libero metus ultricies massa, eu condimentum magna erat nec tellus. Quisque ac finibus ipsum. Maecenas auctor sapien tellus, non auctor libero maximus eget. Phasellus iaculis magna non dignissim pulvinar.

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Maecenas tincidunt posuere quam, eu atimu

Nicholas Richard Ronald Hiltermann — Wed, 10 May 2017 14:44:57 +0000

“Etiam nec libero volutpat nisi pellentesque iaculis lobortis ac dui. Duis porta justo metus, eleifend vulputate ipsum volutpat vel.”

1. Nam sodales enim nec purus efficitur sodales.
2. Suspendisse rhoncus viverra scelerisque.
3. Nam id interdum nisl, non tempor elit.
4. Suspendisse eget maximus elit. Morbi ut vulputate nisi…

The post Maecenas tincidunt posuere quam, eu atimu appeared first on Knobble Hill News.

Maecenas elit ligula, placerat elementum

Nicholas Richard Ronald Hiltermann — Wed, 10 May 2017 14:41:53 +0000

“Etiam nec libero volutpat nisi pellentesque iaculis lobortis ac dui. Duis porta justo metus, eleifend vulputate ipsum volutpat vel.”

1. Nam sodales enim nec purus efficitur sodales.
2. Suspendisse rhoncus viverra scelerisque.
3. Nam id interdum nisl, non tempor elit.
4. Suspendisse eget maximus elit. Morbi ut vulputate nisi…

The post Maecenas elit ligula, placerat elementum appeared first on Knobble Hill News.